I haven’t written since June, mostly since I haven’t been running that much. The Central Texas heat is oppressive and depress-ING. I have been forcing myself to get out 3 mornings a week and run 3-7 miles (mostly in the five mile range) but I am not enjoying it like I do when it cools off. I have gained weight and lost motivation.
I have been off the Pill since April (right before the Marathon) thinking that I was the healthiest I have been in so long… Surely we’d conceive quickly. But, nothing has happened. Not a thing. I figured… Somehow, I guess I just figured that since I had a miscarriage the first time, and the whole process took longer than I expected then, too, that perhaps it would happen faster for me this time. Not a chance.
Fortunately, it hasn’t made me crazy (yet). I know that I am blessed and that Charlie is more (so much, much more) than I ever could have wanted and definitely more than I deserved. Compared with what some people go through… Well, I don’t feel that I should complain. But yesterday, getting my period just hit me like a ton of bricks. I am wondering if I will be able to give my son a sibling, if something is wrong with me, etc.
I need to focus on something else, so I am thinking of training for another half. Honestly, the idea of it makes me feel fairly exhausted, but that is probably not a bad thing. I need a distraction.
